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| Matt, dearest, all of my blogging is done on Myspace these days. The URL for those who don't have it is,
http://blog.myspace.com/laadyfalcon | | |
| You know, I had a really shitty day at work yesterday. Dr. Downs
is a prick. Almost all of us have talked to him about it on one
occasion or the other. He never seems to get it. He
actually appologized once yesterday. It totally took me by
surprise. But that didn't account for his multiple times of being
a prick. Anyway, I had messaged Ryan with "Omg shoot me now."
A couple days ago Mom and I were at Fred Myer and I happened to walk by
the jeweler's. Okay, so it wasn't so much as by accident as it
was on my way out the door. They had a very beautiful three-stone
saphire ring. It was only $99. Mom told me I couldn't get
it, because I need to buy a car. So I pouted and whined, and
later, when I talked to Ryan, I told him about the ring. He's
never gotten anyone jewelery before, I didn't think much about it, when
I whined to him about the fact that Mom wouldn't let me get the ring.
Yesterday, when Ryan came to pick me up from work, he inquired as to
how my day was. I told him it sucked monkey balls. He said,
"Well, maybe this will make your day better," as he reached for my
hand...or so I thought. Normally Ryan kisses my hand and tells me
I should just kill them all (jokingly of course), so I didn't expect
him to reach for the center console, instead of my hand. I lifted
my arm off the center console and he pulled out a beautifully wrapped
little box with a white bow on top.
Now, at this point, it's probably obvious to all of you what was in the
box. However, I had no idea what was in it. Like I said,
Ryan is not the type to get someone a ring and certainly doesn't take
hints very well, usually. So, I was completely in the dark.
It became a little more obvious to me when I opened the wrapping.
On the top of a white box it said "Fred Meyer Jewelers" on the
top. My face started to heat up, as I opened that box to find a
small white ring box inside that. I nearly broke down into tears
when I opened the ring box to find a ring with three Saphires and two
Diamonds. It's not quite the ring I saw, but this one is
better. The other one was just three Saphires, and that's it.
He was driving, so I couldn't just jump him and thank him, so I just
waited 'till the next red light and kissed him. I jumped him
later, when we got home. And that is the story of how I got my
new ring and of course it adds another layer to why I love Ryan.
He always finds a way to surprise me. Oh yeah, and did say,
"Don't get too giddy, it's not an engagement ring." I just had to
laugh at that one. I expect it will be at least four years before
he ever asks me to marry him.
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| Sometimes I wish I could just put them all underground, and use them
only for procreation. It's not that I hate men, it's just that
they make life a bit more complicated. You find the perfect ones,
and then discover that you're not attracted to them in anyway.
And why is that? Because you're still in love with the one that
isn't into the same music, doesn't want to get married any time soon,
doesn't want kids, has issues with admitting when he's wrong (okay so
that's a vast majority of the male population anyway), and is about to
go to the opposite side of the world, into a battle zone, where he
could possibly die. Am I bitter at all....nah. I'm just
irritated.
I love Ryan. I've tried to deny it, I've tried to ignore it, I've
tried to cover it up. Nothing works. I've tried to find
someone who would absolutely perfect for me. I found someone who
would be absolutely perfect for me. He is even attracted to
me. And what happens? Ryan waltzes back into my life and
reminds me why I'm single and alone for most of the year. My
heart belongs to him. It always has. Hell, I was even
engaged to someone else, and Ryan still got to me. My friends
think I'm crazy, my own mother says I deserve better, and yet, I can't
change the way I feel. Even with Ryan going to Iraq, I know that
I'll still love him, and that nothing will ever change that.
So, what do I do now? Well, that's a good question. Ryan
knows the way I feel about him. We had a long tearful discussion
on this a couple days ago. My heart will always belong to him,
and he will always love me. But, anyone who knows either of us
well, knows that staying "faithful" is a bit difficult for us both,
when one or the other is gone for long periods of time. I've told
him I don't care who he sleeps with while he's gone...as long as he's
smart, and safe about it. Not to mention the fact that I wouldn't
sleep with him, when he came back, before he got an STD test.
Having already been through one, he's not too fond of them. There
are a lot of things I'd like to share with him, but a disease is not
one of them.
So, for the next week and a half, I get to pretend that I'm in a real
relationship with him. When he goes, I'll bawl my eyes out for
about a week, then slowly get on with my life, drowning myself in
work. That usually seems to do the trick. I keep myself so
busy I don't have time to be depressed.
So now, if someone asks me how my life is going, that's a great summation of the last week and a half.
Peace y'all | | |
| Simple, and quickly put, as I only have 20% battery left, I have no
internet until August. I have sporadic connection, when I come to
McMinamins, around the corner from my place. They have nice a
WiFi connection here. Anyway, I got to see almost everyone I
wanted to this past trip to Missouri. I am greatly saddened by
the fact that there was one I didn't get to see. Jesse, I want to
make a trip out to see especially you and Sarah, so I'll have to pick a
time when she's home from school. I love you and and miss you
all. Peace
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| Here's a new update, as I run out the door to work...which has been
kicking my ass lately. I will be coming to Missouri. My
grandfather felt bad that no one would be at my sister's graduation, so
he sent me tickets. He sent mom tickets too, but shhh, that one's
a secret. We're going to surprise Heather. That's it, for
now. Time for work. Adios.
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